London - (Arsenal): A routine scan has found dozens of small firearms and handguns have been smuggled into the Palace of Westmonster ahead of next Wednesday's State Opening of the Can of Worms, er...Parliament!
Covert CCTV equipment and metal detectors had recently been hardwired into MPs' security lockers in yet another hush-hush SO19 op.
And the genius behind the surveillance strategy? Step forward Yates of the Yard, dogged Cash-For-Honors sleuth and Clouseauesque grandmaster of the counterintelligence spoiler.
"Mr Delayed Gratification, that's what the boys in SO13 call him," Sgt Jim B Ergerac Green commented, "on account of his leisurely stringing along of the Blairs."
Other bastards on Yates' CV include pathological liar, braggard and self-deluding royal butler to Princess Diana Mr Paul Burrell.
Ex-Northern Ireland Police service CEO Sir Hugh Orde is 53.