Written by DaddyMothership
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Monday, 9 November 2009

image for Scottish People Protest At World's Lowest Wall
A Scottish man sees the sun for the first time in his life.

A service attended by thousands of Scottish people turned very nasty today. They were there to protest at their lack of freedom to enter a proper country. For many, many years the tartan wearing kilt bandits have been held prisoner in their own grey and icy country. They've been pinned back by an ominous wall built by their great oppressor, Hadrian.

"If Berlin can do it then och aye why canna we?" Was the cry.

It started as a peaceful ceremony until David Mc Hasselhoff appeared on top of a few crumbling stones playing air guitar, taking time out of his busy drinking career. He'd placed a small Dinky model of Knight Rider's KITT in front of him at such a distance to give the impression it was full scale car rather than an inch long toy.

Screams of "Tear down the wall. Ock aye de noo." Came screaming form the Celtic hordes that was reminiscent of the film Braveheart. Cans of Tennents Super and bottles of Iron Bru were thrown in a lazy stereotypical remonstration.

One Ginger wig wearer told me he'd had enough of being treated like a prisoner in his own country. He said the English even spied on them using mysterious cameras on the motorways and had Stasi like spies inside their TV's.

"I caught them out one Saturday tea time," He told me through an interpreter. "I was eating my fried Mars Bar curry when all of a sudden a small man named Edmonds came onto my telly and there I was sitting in me grundies on screen. I believe he has cameras inside all the Scottish TV's."

He told me that the only good thing to come out of that horrible experience was the fact he understood an Englishman for the first time in his life.

"That Mr Blobby spoke great aye like. I could understand every word he said as it was the same language we all speak up here." He said in a slightly Geordie accent as this reporter can't write Scottish.

There were calls today from Alexander Salmond and a whole raft of celebrities to put a stop to this persecution and tear down Hadrian's Wall once and for all.

A benefit concert has been arranged to put pressure on Gordon Brown and to raise money and awareness. Pink Floyd will be doing the whole of The Wall from on top of Hadrian's Wall and it is expected to be the show of the decade.

A group of Norwegian ramblers strolled past the crowd and into England blissfully unaware of the stupid antics. Even their dog seemed bemused.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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