Written by Frank Miller
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Topics: Dogs, World Record

Saturday, 14 November 2009

image for Worlds oldest dog actually dead, and has been for five years
The five year old carcuss of Otto. He's dead.

The Guinness world record for Worlds Oldest Dog is in doubt today amidst claims that the dog is in fact dead.

Ancient K9 Otto Jones, and his elderly owner Lynn Jones from Shropshire first appeared on regional news then became an overnight sensation.

However airline accident investigator Ron Bexley has made claims that the award should not be given to Otto because the dog has been dead for years.

Ron explains, "I've examined local news footage and there is a distinct lack of life as Lynn drags the barely recognisable dog carcass behind her on his morning walk and one point he actually gets run over as she crosses the road!

"Being senile and owning a stiff and dragging the stiff around by the neck with a lead does not 'the world's oldest dog' make.

"The Guinness world record rules clearly state that the dog must still be alive. The only possible world record is to boil up his remains and award him 'world's tastiest dog stock."

When asked about the health of her dog, 91 year old Mrs Jones said, "He's still fit and full of life. I take him walkies every day but I have noticed he's been off his food recently."

The British public can make up their own minds as Otto appears on The One Show on Monday. He'll be asked to catch frizbies, wear lady dog clothes and say 'sausages'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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