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Friday, 6 November 2009

image for Authorities set to vote on new football rules
Co-chairman of the new Footballing Think Tank

Footballs Governing bodies are considering plans to make drastic alterations to footballing rules, in an attempt to make it as exciting, modern and profitable as it has ever been.

Ideas that have been mooted include having substitute referees, that can be brought on to replace the active referee, when a team feel it has been hard done by. Each team will be allowed a maximum of 3 referee substitutions, out of the 9 on the bench that will be selected at random.

Other ideas have included playing extra-time, and golden goal only matches. It is thought this is derived from the cricket concept of Twenty20, which is a shorter version of the already short One Day format of the game. If this concept is adopted a match could last anywhere between 30 seconds and 5 or 6 hours.

"It will make the game much more exciting. No more boring English style football, unless they want to be playing for half the night. Using this, we may be able to finish entire seasons in a few days, meaning more titles, trophies and crunch games", a spokesman claimed.

The federation president was also very much behind the scheme.

"When away fans have to travel a long way to see their team play, they don't want to be delayed longer by watching a long match. They can watch 5 minutes and be home before dark.

Perhaps taking inspiration from Liverpool's bad recent encounter with a beach ball, an idea of mutiple balls on the pitch at the same time has also recieved backing. This would also include goals on the sides of the pitch, as well as at the ends. Scoring at a side of a pitch would count for one goal, while scoring at an end could count for between one and twelve, depending on it's quality, as determined by the 4th Official.

"Our members will do everything in their power to make sure Football retains it's position as the World's premier sport", promised a chirpy Blatter.

"I don't think these proposals will be the end of it either. We are looking into making goals 35 feet wide, but including between 3 and 4 goalkeepers. A winner stays on rule may also be applied, by which the winning team of any particular match will have to be ready to defend their status directly after the game. Several other teams will be on standby at each match for this very purpose.

More news to come as it arrives

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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