Happily married couple Jimmy and Jemima MacFucksakes were enjoying a Highland drive-by vacation when they stopped on the shores of Loch Ness to exercise their pet labrador, Sityabastard.
They were horrified by what happened next.
Jemima MacFucksakes told us:
"Jimmy threw a stick into the loch for Sityabastard to chase. So the pooch leapt into the water, tail wagging, and swam out to retrieve it, and then this huge great dinosaur emerged from the murky depths."
"It did. It emerged from the murky depths," Jimmy confirmed.
"At first we thought the dinosaur was going to eat the dog. Imagine our surprise when the dinosaur started to hump the dog! Poor Sityabastard was howling and thrashing around in agony."
"Howling and thrashing about in agony she was. The poor bitch," Jimmy confirmed.
"Then the Loch Ness Monster kind of groaned, sighed, and slid back under the murky water. Into the murky depths. The poor dog didn't know what to do with itself. It struggled ashore with its back legs all spread, limp, and dragging on the floor. Good job Sityabastard had the good sense to hold on to the stick so she had something to bite down on."
"Yes," Jimmy told us. "It is that. You'd think they'd put signs up or something, to warn you like. I mean you don't expect the Loch Ness Monster to suddenly surface and shag your bitch rotten. In the films they just want to bite stuff up. I blame Steven Spielberg myself - there was no dinosaur shagging in Jurassic Park. He should have warned us about this. The bastard."
Sityabastard is making a good recovery following her ordeal, and the MacFucksakes have vowed to give Loch Ness a wide berth in the future.
More monster related monstrosities as we get them.