Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 5 November 2009

image for Female Suicide Bomber Aborted Mission
Gordon Bennett! What A Pen And Ink!

A woman who planned on detonating stink bombs on the London Underground system told jurors at the Old Bailey today that she called off the attack at the last minute because she wasn't altogether sure that she'd closed the kitchen window, or left water out for the cat.

Chamone Budda-Woods, 27, of Studley Road, Stockwell, south London told the court that she was overcome by remorse as she reached Embankment station and aborted her mission.

Cross examined by QC Cherry Picker, she denied being associated with Al Qaeda, and denied that the stink bombs would have killed anybody, or even hurt them a bit.

"But they would have killed me (referring to her fellow passengers) when they got a whiff of it," she told the court. "And that's what I wanted. I just wanted to die."

When asked by QC Picker why she had a death wish, the defendant said:

"I dunno, do I? I just did innit. But I didn't, did I? I was concerned for me cat and worried that some thieving hoody barstad would nick me plasma screen. I'd bin watchin' Jeremy Kyle an' I got all depressed about the futility of life so I decided to commit suicide by stink bombin' innit. But I nevvah dunnit. I went 'ome to water the cat and lock the bladdy window. You fick or summink girl? Or wot?"

QC Picker then asked the defendant why she finally decided to abort her stink bomb mission.

The defendant looked long and hard from her place in the dock at QC Picker, before answering:

"Jeeze gel. That's a fahkin bad wig you got on there. Makes yer look a roight fahkin numpty. Innit. I know this great stall by Brixton Market. You need some serious advice gel."

The trial continues.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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