A happy event has occurred in footballer Wayne Rooney's household with the arrival of a child which they have named Koi Carp Rooney.
Mr Rooney was said to be totally pleased.
Speaking from the photographic studio of KO Magazine and dangling his one-day old son in a Michael Jackson balcony stance, Wayne said that it was amazing that after nine months his wife should suddenly give birth.
Putting on a posh North Eastern accent, he said; "Wy Ay man. It like just pooooped out man."
He went on to say that it was a wondeful feat of nature to be able to have a son. He did admit he had been wondering why his wife had been slowly putting on weight around the stomach region, but thought it best not to talk about it. He confirmed that he had a morbid fear of being asked by his wife "do I look fat in this?"
Mr Rooney said that he can't remember being at the original conception - whatever that means - of Koi Carp, but suggested that according to a book he read in the hospital that had words in (the book, not the hospital), it could have been about nine months ago.
"The whole things a bit fishy to me" he added.