Written by Mike Eastabrook
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Sunday, 1 November 2009

image for Ex Actor Smacks Her Ex on X-Factor
Walsh: "She's a mad welsh bint"

Amid chaotic scenes during the live screening of X-Factor last night, contestant Lucie Jones sensationally lashed out with a right hook aimed at judge Louis Walsh. The pugilistic interlude happened halfway through the singer's heart rending rendition of Bob Dylan classic "Masters of War".

Jones, who recently revealed that she had once starred as "4th Shepherd" in her junior school's Christmas production, stopped singing to announce to the audience "That Irish b****** ruined my life". The dark haired Welsh beauty then vaulted the judges desk, wrestled Walsh to the floor before landing a full blow to the head of the shocked Irish boyband supremo. The show was taken off air for 10 minutes while security guards restored order.

After the show, Lucie Jones was eager to explain her bizarre behaviour to waiting journalists. "Me and Louis go way back. I only entered the show to get back with him, but now he just treats me like any other wanabe with limited talent."

Meanwhile Walsh, visibly shaken up by the incident and sporting a tumescent shiner on his right eye, struggled to defend himself. "I don't know what yer woman is on about, honestly. I vaguely remember a drunken night in a hotel in Swansea a couple of years ago, but there were so many. Although come to think about it, I have had a lot of weird mail from a 'Miss Jones' over the last 2 years, but I assumed they were from Ronan."

The current series of X-Factor continues this evening, and every other evening for the next 7 months.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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