Written by Mr Pants
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Saturday, 31 October 2009

In an astonishing revelation, former singer & TV presenter Dame Cilla Black admitted last night that she had enjoyed a carnal relationship with the Archbishop of Canterbury for over 40 years.

"It started in the 60's" said Dame Cilla, speaking from her home in Shellsuit, Merseyside. "I was a naive young scouse girl,who had just had a hit with Anyone Who Had A Heart; and he was a young curate in a dog collar. HIs eyebrows weren't so bushy then of course"

Dame Cilla revealed that their relationship was predominantly physical. "Rowan was a very intense lover and his relationship with God was never far from the surface. He would often ask me if i needed smiting down with his holy staff; or whether i wished to get on my knees and pray for his holy guide".

Williams was unavailable for comment last night, although we were able to speak with a source who would only give his name as "J" from Nazareth. "It's far better to save one scouser than to seek entry to my fathers kingdom for selfish means" he said. "The big A was purely indulging the lady by revealing God's love to her".

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