Scientists have today revealed that foods containing the sweetener 'fructose' can seriously damage your health.
Even minute trace elements of the artificial sweetener can cause horrific reactions.
Dr Strabismus whom God preserve of Utrecht, told salivating press. "It is the truth, I tell you. If you ingest even the slightest trace of fructose, the chances are you will develop terrifying side effects that will require extensive research, thus guaranteeing the continuance of my spurious little group of bespectacled weirdoes."
Johnny Spivworthy, MD of the hugely successful bread manufacturer 'Warburovis' told TheSpoof.com's domestic science correspondent, Amelia Farquhar StJohn. "Look, love, we have been baking loaves in the time honoured way since 3 oclock this afternoon, and are only aware of a handful of cases of fructose related hypertension cases that have led to premature heart failure or strokes, so f**k off before I set the dogs on you."
The sales of products containing 'fructose' have fallen dramatically in the past 24 hours, as scientists and the government continue to spread spurious scare mongering rumours in the hope of deflecting attention from their own nefarious activities.