WWII veterans across the country are joined in mutual condemnation of what they see as an erosion of the mother tongue that they fought for, and many of their contemporaries died for.
Ex Corporal Tommy Atkins, late of the 7th Essex Carrier Pigeons, lay to attention in his hospital bed as he voiced his indignation at this foul blight that is spreading throughout the language.
Major Sir Archibald Suitcase decd. gnashed his gums in anger at the slight that he and others feel they have suffered.
Mrs Vera Mufty, of 3 Ironside Crescent, Scunthorpe, ex aircraft delivery pilot, RAF, girded her loins in anticipation of the coming conflict.
All, it would appear, are united in their bemusement at, and hatred of this dire destruction of all they hold dear.
Major Suitcase spoke for all those without a voice. "'Fall', bloody 'Fall'. No bugger calls it 'Fall'. for God's sake. It's the damned Yanks, you know. It's called 'Autumn'; always was, always will be. Stands to bloody reason, doesn't it, what? If we were to adopt the word 'Fall', then 'Spring' would become 'Rise'. It's all a nonsense. I never did trust that lot. Coming over here with their nylons and chocolate. Swaggering round and goosing our women. Should have given the buggers the sharp end of the bayonet. I wanted to, you know. I wanted to."
Mrs Mufty was equally vociferous. "They were lovely boys, though. They all spoke like Elvis Presley, and they were much better in bed than our lads. I was quite glad when my Ernest was sent to the front. At least I could void myself of my inhibitions with those lovely Americans.
What were we talking about? Sorry, my minds gone again, and I think I just pissed myself."
Corporal Atkins said little, but managed to salute once and whistle 'God Save the Queen' before slipping into a coma.
This outpouring has attracted the attention of the government, and questions are being asked in the house. Questions like, "Who ate all the f*****g bourbons?"