Written by nigmuncher
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Art, Candy

Monday, 26 October 2009

image for Suck my Pollocks, says UK sweet company
Jelly babies. Tiny Pollocks

A British confectionery and beverage company has pulled the rug from under its competitor's feet by launching a new boiled sweet to commemorate the life of American lunatic artist and random paint thrower, Jackson Pollock.

Pollock, born in Wyoming, is best known for his endearing habit of sucking sweets whilst randomly chucking emulsion around huge canvases. He introduced the use of 'liquid' paint, 'as opposed to solid paint?' and championed the development of 'viscous' fluid as an artistic medium. 'Who writes this tosh, for Christ's sake?'

Pollock aficionado, Stretch Armstrong, professional cyclist and cancer survivor, said from his home in Tucson, Arizona, "Jackson was a true artist. He could lob paint like a f****n good un. Me and my whippet, Compo, would often go and sit with him as he lost himself to his artistic muse, or something like that. He were f****n brilliant, and was never short of the odd 'Uncle Joe's Mint Ball' or 'Woodbine'.

Critics have linked the release of the new multicoloured, gob stopper style sugar based treat to the 'damping down' of the 2006 Herefordshire Salmonella scare

The manufacturers say that is just a load of Pollocks.

"When I am my painting, I'm not aware of what I'm doing."(sic)

Sounds about right, Jackson.

Make nigmuncher's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 3?

2 3 1 24

Go to top