Written by BadboyIan
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Friday, 23 October 2009

image for Clarkson to become a lesbian
Not too convincing, really.

Top Gear presenter and testosterone-fuelled TV hardman Jeremy Clarkson has revealed today that he is to become a lesbian.

The shock announcement will stun his army of adoring female fans who hang on every macho word he utters on the eponymous TV programme, but BBC insiders say that his switch to what he often referred to as 'the dark chocolate side' has been on the cards for some time.

Sources close to the six foot thirteen presenter say that he will require a number of painful cosmetic operations to complete the transformation although they point out that with his wild curly hair, heavy beard and cupboard stuffed with freebie SatNavs he should already be heading in the right direction.

It's believed that Clarkson's conversion on the road to Damascus occurred while he and co-presenter James May were road testing a brand new seventeen litre Lamborrari on a dusty road just outside the Syrian city.

Clarkson is thought to have suffered a complete volte face to the sapphic arts when he suddenly and unexpectedly realised that he found his fellow presenter's lustrous shoulder-length locks unbearably attractive.

The third Top Gear front man, bug-eyed Richard 'Hamster' Hammond is said to be devastated and flew into a jealous rage when told the news, tossing all his toys into his Porsche-design pram, but he has now apparently offered to give it a go with a threesome and promised to bring along some real hamsters to spice up the occasion.

Mrs Clarkson was unavailable for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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