Written by Bunsen Burner
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Wednesday, 21 October 2009

image for Hallealuiah! Hand Over Your Mobile Phone
"Give me all your money or it's one more verse of 'Go the Mass is Ended'"!

The rise in religious criminals shows no sign of slowing. In America a bank robber wept and discussed Jesus before stealing $20 and a mobile phone.

On Sunday at the Immaculate Conception in Wellingborough notorious gangster Father Frank O'Malley was up to his old tricks again. Not content with watering down the wine the old bugger also got his lads out in force. Two collections (unheard of at this time of year) were called for and as ever the Sanatagen boys were on hand to make sure everyone paid up.

One regular church goer, who didn't want to be named but we didn't like him ( so he's Peter Holland, 23 Dingle Avenue, Wellingborough) said "The old fellas put a real squeeze on. You have to pay up. If you don't then it's no wine."

Father Frank has been known to go easy on confession for the right amount and will only perform last rites if he is paid up front.

God moves in mysterious ways but crime often hangs around with him.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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