Notorious Welsh sheep molester, Alwyn Glwydd Conwy, was yesterday behind bars after being hoist by his own petard.
Conwy's twelve year reign of ovine sexual deviation came to an end when the steroids he had taken to enhance his performance and make him more attractive to ewes, reacted with his Welsh blood, and caused him to grow breasts, thus making him more attractive to bulls.
Witnesses to Conwy's undoing said that they had observed a shadowy form over several consecutive nights, stalking ewes in the hills above Caernarfon, and several had actually witnessed the unnerving spectacle of Conwy mounting the sheep.
One observer, Jones the Butcher, who wished to remain anonymous, told our roving reporter, nigmuncher. "It was both terrifying and hilarious. One minute we could see this crouched figure coming up behind a ewe, if you'll pardon the expression,. Next thing we knew, the person had entered the sheep and was going at it like a bloody hero.
Thing is, after a couple of minutes this person started singing, and that's when we all knew it was Alwyn. What with him singing in the local Methodist choir, and all. He has a lovely baritone voice, you see. Lovely it is."
Fellow observer, Gupta the Newspaper, took over the story. "It was at this point that we noticed his tits. Well, see you boyo, that's unusual, even in Wales, and it caused us quite a stir. But not as much of a stir as the bull gave Alwyn. This bloody great beast came thundering across the field like a bloody Valkyrie. I nearly shat, I did. Next thing, it's got poor Alwyn by the nipple, and is trying to insert this enormous great member into him. Laugh? We were helpless."
Jones the Butcher concluded the tale. "No way were we going into that field with that sex craved bull, so we let it finish what it had started. Alwyn wasn't singing now, I'll tell you.
By this time the local policeman, Bevan the Helmet, had turned up, and he apprehended Alwyn once the bull had fallen onto its side in exhaustion."
Carmarthenshire constabulary told us that they were holding a man in custody in connection with a number of assaults against innocent sheep.
Alwyn Glwydd Conwy said, 'They are baarking up the wrong tree'.