Cardiff, Wales - A long national nightmare is at an end with the capture of 84 year old Heinrich Kluge, and his cache of stolen vowels.
The tale started in 1945 when Nazi Germany was pressed in on all sides by Allied forces. A lone operative, in deep cover, had been given an assignment to disrupt the communications of the United Kingdom by "any means necessary".
Being alone, and with limited resources, Oberleutnant Kluge had not the ability to take out radio stations and telephone exchanges. But what he did do was more subtle and far reaching than even he could have expected.
This master race madman, drunk on Hitlerian ravings, systematically devised and executed a plan in which he was able to steal 98% of all Welsh vowels, leaving the populace "fckd". Communications broke down, leaving Wales effectively isolated, and the Royal Navy had to re-orient towards the west of the United Kingdom, in case the Nazis attacked from that side.
While the Allies were victorious in 1945, the vowels were still gone, and while it was known that somehow the Nazis were responsible, no one knew who did it, or where the vowels were. And given the typical English disregard for their Welsh fellow man, no one looked to hard.
Thus the Welsh have labored under arduous conditions for the past six decades, their industry, technology and communications hampered due to their inability to express themselves appropriately. Cynics have suggested that this was precisely what Buckingham Palace wanted.
All that has changed, though, given the recent discovery and capture of Heinrich Kluge by Mossad agents who had been pursuing an Iranian nuclear physicist. It so happened that the low level nuclear technician was none other than the son of Heinrich, who had fled to Tehran after the war to avoid prosecution at Nuremburg for "crimes against the alphabet".
Not only did the raid upon the physicist's house result in bagging the octogenarian Nazi, but the capture of the trunk in the basement revealed for the first time the insane depths the Nazis went to in their battle to capture Britain. No less then 1.7 million vowels, from street signs, books, technical manuals, store fronts and lesson books were found. All very old, very dusty, but still believed to be salvageable, and still recognizable.
There is muted joy in Wales now. True, they are looking forward to not having to read signs like, "Cerddwyr Edrychwch I'r Chwith" (No left turn), but on the other hand, this hardy band of quasi-separatists have enjoyed frustrating their English brethren with street signs that they are used to, but the English are not.
It is expected that the National Assembly for Wales will be debating the matter soon. Meanwhile, in spite of the request of Rhodri Morgan, AM, that Heinrich be extradited to them, the Mossad has said that he regrettably will have had a heart attack next week, and so will be unavailable.