David Beckham has been spotted on a toilet door in Glasgow. The mysterious bearded face appeared on the toilet door at the city's branch of Ikea. At first people thought it might be Jesus, but then it dawned on locals that the image was of a far greater deity.
Angus MacRectum, local Ikea historian was one of the first on the scene. "My cousin Morag was at the store when the vision first appeared. She called me and I hurried down to see for myself. It's definately David Beckham. If you look closely you can see that he has one tear running down his cheek. We think this is a warning that there is a major disaster set to befall the world."
What the disaster could be nobody is saying. Scottish religious leaders have started special prayer ceremonies outside the toilet door. Already one miracle is being claimed. Davey MacTodger said "I was constipated but I went into the Ikea toilet and I filled the bowl. Praise be David Beckham!"
A new religion has been created, the Church of Golden Balls and the Latter Day Free Kicks. The Very Reverend Jock MacGoolies said "David has come to Glasgow to save us from sin. We are thankful that he has chosen our branch of Ikea. He will send his son to save us. He will be born in the gents. We will then lay him in a manger-actually a Svensson cot, priced £7.99. Praise be!"
David Beckham said "Fuckin' hell, its taken me twenty years to grow this beard and now I wish I never did!"