Child suicide bombers are said to be on their way to Manchester Airport in their thousands. The recent ruling that the new hi-tec security scanners which let you see people in the buff could not be used on kids has led to this disaster.
Security expert Peter Phile said "The Border and Immigration Authority have a very strict vetting procedure in place. Sex offenders would never get a job with them. I should know, I tried. Spent an entire day sitting multiple choice exams in a room in Croydon only to be told no. Fucking bastards!"
Mad Islamic terrorists have been issued orders to return home and shag their many wives in a bid to boost the number of terrorists available. Cries of "Allah Akhbar" have been heard throughout the Muslim world, followed by "not tonight, I've got a headache".
Gordon Brown was asked how the Government was going to deal with this latest terrorist threat. "We will send more troops to Afghanistan. Then we will wait until America tells us which new country to invade. This policy has never let us down before."
If you must fly out of Manchester make sure you are on an adults only flight. Ryan Air charge extra for kids so you should be safe with them. Carry on bombs are only allowed if accompanied by a non- foreign looking adult.
The skies of Manchester could soon resemble London during the blitz.