British weather forecasters were today defending what has been described as regional discrimination.
Viewers, listeners and readers of British media are said to be incensed by what they see as a South Eastern bias in weather reportage and forecasting.
Sam Spoons of Gateshead was typical in his condemnation of what he sees as Southern nancy favouritism. " It makes me want to spit!" He shouted into the face of our reporter. "They go into great detail about what the bloody weather is doing in bloody London and the south coast where all the gays live, but what do we get? I'll tell you what we get, bugger all, that's what we get, bugger all."
Ada Brawn was another voice of dissent. Mrs Brawn told us from her bijou pre-war semi in the beautiful West Yorkshire countryside. "I'm thoroughly peed off. All we get is Michael bleedin Fish and his posh cronies blathering on about how nice it is in the capital, when all we are getting in Yorkshire is sodding rain. Only last week I was watching them tossers in London walking about in shorts and T shirts like the smug bastards they are, while it was lashing it down here. It's like 'Here in the south it is lovely with high temperatures and lots of sunshine. Tomorrow will be another day of fine weather with a chance of clouds gathering as the evening draws in.' What does everyone else get? 'Across the rest of the country there will be weather.' It's a nonsense, I tell you, a nonsense."
We managed to track weather guru, Michael Fish, down to his sun drenched holiday cottage in Brighton (Where all the gays live.) He was reluctant to talk to us, but did say…….
"I'm sick of all the bloody Northern gits complaining. It's their own fault for living up there. No one gives a flying f**k about them, anyway. I wish they would just concentrate on drinking their brown ale and walking their whippets. My late father, the Brigadier, God bless him, always told me that they liked being wet, and that if they had good weather they would only find something else to complain about"