In a staggering turnaround, Lord Peter Mangelson (Business Secretary and Minister With A Finger In Every Pie) has announced that, from next Tuesday, all generation of electricity is banned.
"I was at Ratcliffe - on - Soar earlier today and I saw the determination on the faces of the protestors. We cannot win against such passionate folk. They are prepared to wear awful clothes, eat lentils and crap in earth closets.
We cannot permit the pollution that would be generated by producing more electricity. As I always say, in politics, nothing beats a kneejerk and stopping electricity seems to fill the bill.
No member of government can claim the level of conviction of these protestors - why, since I dismissed Tony Bliar from No 10, no-one has emerged to lead the country.
So I am going to appoint a climate change protestor to be Prime Minister!
He will have a much nicer bum than Gordon Brown and will not be saddled with wife and family baggage".
When asked what lay behind his strategy, the Dark Lord replied "I feel that my public profile is too high at the moment and I want to be a little less in the public eye. My status as the ultimate fixer will be reinforced and I should be able to take Tony through to his European Presidency".
This reporter, bemused, asked for further details.
Lord Mangelson stated that the decor in No 10 is a positive disgrace and anyone would think that the occupants were partially blind and that, in any case, since Maggie rid us of the miners tyranny, the more we can do to keep coal at bay the better.
"Some of the best movies ever came out of the destruction of the coal industry - Billy Elliot, the one where 5 lads get all there kit off - please excuse me, I need Kleenex".