Monty Python, the tall guy who used to be funny, has been ordered to pay millions following a divorce settlement. Python, 65, must pay Ms Anna List $15 million. The star was most aggrieved by the decision. "She's not even my wife anymore. She has ceased to be. I used to give her lupins everyday. Why all the questions? I didn't expect the Spanish inquisition."
Python blames his lawyer, Mr Ron Devious, for the large pay out. "He spent most of the hearing chatting up the usher. Then he tried to bribe the judge. When that failed he threatened the judge with the Piranha brothers."
Ms List was understandably happy as she posed outside the courtroom with her new boyfriend "He's a lumberjack, you know. The first thing I'm going to do is treat myself to a new gas cooker. Then I'm going to make a donation to the National Bocialists and buy Arthur Jackson that second shed he's always wanted."
Monty Python will now consider returning to work, although as he hasn't been funny for some years this could prove difficult. As he tucked into a meal of spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, chips and spam he said "And now for something completely different....."