Written by Dungeekin
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Friday, 16 October 2009

A new plan to increase the number of British personnel serving in Afghanistan has been announced today, to universal public approval.

The scheme, to be announced by Prime Mincer Gollum Brown at today's PMQ's, will increase the number of British personnel in Hellmand Province to almost 10,000, sources close to the PM confirmed.

A Downing Street source explained that the PM is to reveal that the entire Parliamentary Labour Party, along with all their aides and Special Advisors, are to be sent to Afghanistan as part of a'big push' to introduce stability to the war-torn Hellmand area.

The source said, "it's obvious that we need a radical new approach in the War on Terror. Where 9000 poorly-equipped and undersupplied troops have failed, the Parliamentary Labour Party can, and shall, succeed.

"What's missing in Hellmand isn't guns, tanks and bullets - our research indicates that the battle with the Taliban will go on because we don't have enough Social Justice Diversity Co-Ordinators, Regional LGBT Muslim Issues Outreach Facilitators and, of course, Inter-Denominational Counter-Jihad Appeasement Administrators."

A key priority of the new force in Afghanistan will be the creation of a new regulatory body OFTAL, which will monitor and assess the actions of the Taliban and have the power to issue strongly-worded notes of censure in the event of them blowing up yet more British troops in poorly-armoured Land Rovers.

In a related announcement, it is expected that the Cabinet is to hold its next meeting at Camp Bastian in Hellmand Province, following which Defence Secretary Bob Ainsworth will be left behind to be utilised for target practice.

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