A collective sigh of relief was audible around the corridors of Westminster today, as news of a mere 88,000 rise in unemployment permeated the cigar and whisky fug of the Parliamentary bars.
City experts, expecting a much bigger rise, were opening the Bolly and ordering in the Russian dancing girls, in anticipation of an 80s style glut of cash snaffling by astute yuppies across the capital.
National Statistics pointed out that the number of people signing on for jobseekers allowance had gone up to a staggering 1.63 billion, and that the diminutive rise of 88,000 was for the previous hour, and not the previous three months as first thought.
They also reminded the exuberant experts that, in the past, unemployment had continued to rise even after the economy had gone into recovery, and that the so called 'experts' would be receiving their P45s just as soon as those lazy. workshy, indolent postal workers got off their fat arses and got back to doing what they do best.
Those lazy, workshy, indolent postal workers are now expected to extend the current strike into the Spring of 2010. Nice one, National Statistics. The words 'foot' and 'shot' immediately spring to mind