There was intense excitement at Labour Headquarters yesterday as private polling revealed the likely outcome of the 2010 General Election.
"Make no mistake", said a Labour spokesperson, "We are heading for a record landslide result under Gordon Brown. Our tried and tested 'Toffs' campaign portraying David Cameron as elitist and out of touch has resonated with the public and we'll be intensifying our message in the coming months. We are looking at a historic result for Labour and the full responsibility for it will be with our leader Gordon Brown."
"There's no question about how the public look on Gordon Brown as the man to lead us out of the current financial crisis. The result of the election is pretty cut and dried. We're just waiting for Gordon Brown to name the day."
Michael Foot is 96.