Anger erupted in the House of Commons today as politicians from all parties were ordered to pay back thousands of pounds in spuriously claimed expenses.
One prominent MP said, from the small corrugated steel Anderson shelter, where he claims to be living with his Olympic horsewoman wife Pippa, their three children, and pet Doberman 'Sally'.
'I have done nothing wrong. I broke no rules, and refuse to pay back a penny of the £1,370,000 that I legitimately claimed as gardening expenses during the period March to September of last year.'
Fellow Tory MP and member for the marginal Gloucester seat, Much Blathering in the Mirk. Ewan Oosarmy, was equally belligerent about the proposed 'snatch back'.
'How any duly elected member of parliament in this country can be expected to keep abreast of happenings within his or her constituency without at least seven plasma screen televisions is beyond me. It is as if we are being thrust back into a period of post war austerity. It is preposterous. As I was saying to my Filipino maid, 'Sergio' in bed this morning. 'You scratch my back, and I'll squeal with delight.''
Sir Ronnie 'Snapper' Legless, who's enquiry proposed the retrospective payments, was last night said to be in hiding in a Bolivian love nest, after receiving threats to his person.
Mr Oosarmy is currently helping police with their enquiries after an unrelated incident.