Written by Monkey Woods
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 10 October 2009

image for English Teacher Criticised For Trying To Teach Thai Students The Lyrics To John Cooper Clarke's 'Evidently Chickentown'
Kids wince at the bloody lyrics

It should have been a fun experience, and an enjoyable lesson in English for a group of students in the Thai eastern seaboard resort of Pattaya this week, but the dream turned into a nightmare for them and their teacher, after he attempted to teach them the words to the John Cooper Clarke song, Evidently Chickentown.

The song, from Cooper Clarke's 1980 album Snap Crackle & Bop, contains no less than 80 mentions of the word 'bloody', and three instances of the F-word.

The singer, from Salford in Manchester, often referred to as a punk poet, penned the song to describe his drab Mancunian surroundings, but the words could justifiably apply to almost anywhere on the British mainland during the late 1970s and early 1980s.

The teacher involved, originally from East Yorkshire, had meticulously researched his lesson, and had expected maximum involvement and enjoyment from his young students, but the school's administrators later criticised his efforts, claiming the song was "totally inappropriate for 5-year-olds".

The song's lyrics, which have been deemed by some to be "offensive" are reproduced below:

The bloody cops are bloody keen
to bloody keep it bloody clean
the bloody chief's a bloody swine
who bloody draws a bloody line
at bloody fun and bloody games
the bloody kids he bloody blames
are nowhere to be bloody found
anywhere in chicken town

the bloody scene is bloody sad
the bloody news is bloody bad
the bloody weed is bloody turf
the bloody speed is bloody surf
the bloody folks are bloody daft
don't make me bloody laugh
it bloody hurts to look around
everywhere in chicken town
the bloody train is bloody late
you bloody wait you bloody wait
you're bloody lost and bloody found
stuck in fucking chicken town

the bloody view is bloody vile
for bloody miles and bloody miles
the bloody babies bloody cry
the bloody flowers bloody die
the bloody food is bloody muck
the bloody drains are bloody fucked
the colour scheme is bloody brown
evidently chicken town

the bloody pubs are bloody dull
the bloody clubs are bloody full
of bloody girls and bloody guys
with bloody murder in their eyes
a bloody bloke got bloody stabbed
waiting for a bloody cab
bloody stay at bloody home
bloody neighbour bloody moans
keep the bloody racket down
this is bloody chicken town

the bloody pies are bloody old
the bloody chips are bloody cold
the bloody beer is bloody flat
the bloody flats have bloody rats
the bloody clocks are bloody wrong
the bloody days are bloody long
it bloody gets you bloody down
evidently chicken town
the bloody train is bloody late
you bloody wait you bloody wait
you're bloody lost and bloody found
stuck in fucking chicken town


When I contacted him for his opinion, Mr Cooper Clarke later told us:

"Bloody teacher's bloody mad,
Bloody loony, bloody sad,
Bloody kids are 5 years old,
Bloody good as bloody gold,
Bloody can't, bloody teach,
Crafty wank on bloody beach."


Reproduced by kind permission of Monkey Woods Lyrics Co. (2009)

Make Monkey Woods's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 plus 1?

7 21 5 24

Go to top