A Centugenarian, known to his friends down the OAP centre, as Dolfie, has been evicted by Tony Blair. The very old German said Tony and his wife Cherie had just kicked him out on the street for no reason. Tony denies this. He said he had very good reason to evict Dolfie because he had recently found out that the old chap was a monster who HAD killed 2 million people during the war.
Tony wasn't pleased, and has asked for an apology from the adoption society he bought Dolfie from. He said it's a disgrace that a Christian act such as "Grandad Adoption" could go so horribly wrong. Tony said "I wanted to adopt a little German Pensioner, like Madonna adopted little African babies. And for a while we were very happy with Dolfie. He completed our family."
But things took a sinister turn last week when Tony and Dolfie were watching the news. The News told them that a piece of skull that had previously been thought to belong to Hitler had infact come from somone else's head. Dolfie got very angry and shouted. "It is my head. It is my head. I died in a bunker with my dog and my bitch." From this outburst Tony concluded only one thing. It meant Dolfie was Hitler, and no amount of Christian charity could justify keeping him. So Tony chucked him out.
But Dolfie said there was a different side to the story.
"Tony knew who I was from the very beginning." He said "I never came from the "Adopt a Grandad Society", I came from Boris Johnson's house. Boris didn't need me any more after I'd helped him win the London Mayoral Elections so he gave me to Tony to help him win the Euro Elections. He knew I had an excellent track record because before I lived at Boris's house I used to lived at Margaret Thatcher's house."
"You've been about." stated our reporter.
"Well No. Not really." Said Dolfie. "I've been living in freezing cold London for 40 years. But its not like I'm homeless. I've had loads of offers of places to stay. I've had an offer to go live with David Cameron for a bit, but that would mean more cold and rain. No. Who I really want to go live with is Simon Cowell in Los Angeles. I saw his house on the X-factor on Sunday night and I thought...mmm... that's the place for me. So I'm off. I'm finished with London. Goodbye."
Tony has denied Dolfie's claims. He says the whole experience has been extremely traumatic for his family and he probably won't be adopting any more Grandads. He's going to try to Adopt a Panda instead.