Written by Michael Simmonite
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Thursday, 4 April 2002

image for Ronnie Corbett 'Not Genuine Article' - Shock
I am...a miniature model of the former me

The World's ex best-loved comedian, Ronnie Corbett, has made an amazing confession to his loyal fans: "I am not really me," the jovial funnyman said yesterday evening. "I am, in actual fact, a scaled down replica of myself."

This incredible news is bound to come as a shock to his billions of admirers around the globe. Laugh-a-minute Ronnie - previously assumed to have always been himself - told us: "I am, as I said, a miniature model of the former me."

"I took the decision to scale myself down several years ago in an attempt to boost my career. And what you are looking at right now is the result. This, indeed, is now what I am."

What was he like before, then? we probed. "Exactly as I am now except that I wasn't a scaled down version of myself. I was, in fact, me."

So if Ronnie was himself then, who were we speaking to now?

"Why, you are speaking to me, of course!" said Ronnie.

So what then happened to the original Ronnie Corbett?

"You mean the ex me? I thought I'd explained myself - and the former myself at the same time. It's quite simple really. As I was trying to say, I made the decision to scale myself down a long time ago and as a direct result what you are now seeing is me. Am I making both myselves clear?"

"Now you will have to excuse us," Mr Corbett said before climbing up the ladder into his car, "but it's goodnight from me and myself as well."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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