Skoob1999, reputedly the somewhat embarrassed possessor of the world's smallest penis, which apparently 'boasts' the length of a thumbnail, and the girth of a bus ticket, was anticipating an idyllic holiday in the Eternal City of Rome, in an attempt to rekindle the fires of his honeymoon with the redoubtable Mrs Skoob.
The Spoof.com writer booked a room on the fashionable Via Vittorio Veneto and then upon arrival promptly and typically buggered off to Piazza Barberini at the bottom of the street for a beer or two while the wife got ready for a day of sightseeing.
A trip to the Vatican City ensued, whereupon Skoob, overcome with emotion upon viewing La Pieta by Michelangelo, decided to make a confession in a side chapel of Basilica San Pietro.
"As soon as I went in there, I felt it was a set up," Skoob told us. "When I started my confession, the priest, he started to chuckle. And as he did, I realised that he had a distinctly West 'By God' Virginia accent.
"And he had a moustache. I couldn't actually see the moustache, but I could sort of sense it. Get me?
"Anyway, I confessed to having the world's smallest penis, and I could just hear this barely suppressed hysterical laughter from the other side of the curtain. I couldn't see his face, but it sounded like he wore out three or four handerchieves wiping snot from his nose as he sniggered."
Churchgoer, Pompey Lil, herself on a sabbatical to the Eternal City described the scene as witnessed from outside the confessional box:
"I could hear the murmerings of a muted voice, followed by snorting and whooping West 'By God' Virginia type sounds. I was so bemused I had a Japanese tourist film up my skirt and I was barely aware of it. I'd have spread em further had he asked. "But I sensed something was wrong."
"As I made my confession," Skoob told us. "I thought that this guy who called himself Monsignor Francois DuBois was taking the piss. He actually asked me to show him my claim to fame and that can never be right. I tried to dissuade him, but he was very insistent. In fact, he got positively raving mad.
"I walked out of the confessional booth in disgust, at the same time as Monsignor Francois DuBois emerged from his side with his robes rolled up, singing the 80's hit 'Wake Me Up Before You Go Go' by Wham and revealing to the world that he wore erotic lingerie under his cassock. I've never known anything like it."
Father Francois DuBois was subsequently arrested and given a good kicking and spearing by the Swiss Guard.
Skoob1999 went home and tried to purchase some of the tablets that Fr Francoise and his very own wife had developed.
"Heh, heh. heh," Skoob told us. "Stockings, suspenders, and a Brazilian wax job - that priest got some shit to answer for. Wonder how the Pope will deal with that one. Fancy wanting to look at my wiener. Disgusting, that's what it is."
More from the centre of European culture as we get it.
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