London - (Pillars of Salt): Israeli security service Mossad is closing down Buckingham Palace from Saturday on the eve of Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.
The countdown to the holiest day of the Jewish year starts at sunset on Sunday and lasts until midnight on Monday.
At some point during this holiday Elders of the Protocols of Zion fully expect Hitler's daughter to kick the bucket, if the latest chicken entrails omens are to be believed.
"Since the start of the second intifada in 2000 we are taking no chances," ex-PM Ehud Barak Obama said today.
Buck House staff have been ordered to fast for the customary 25 hours, abstain from all liquids - including the exchange of bodily ones - and pray for forgiveness for all their craven sinful ways.
As for Old Fatty Mountbatten herself, only an ultimate act of atonement for her heinous, sordid life can make up for the last 60 years of satanic brainwashing of Joe Public.