Written by Ulver
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Topics: FSA

Saturday, 26 September 2009

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Thrust Bulging of the FSA today !

Beleaguered Financial Regulator, the FSA, has today announced yet another revamp to make it a vibrant 21st Century threat to those prepared to flout their rules.

Sir Thrust Bulging, spokes-person for the Regulator revealed today, "We stand at a crisis point in Financial Regulation, where once we had it easy and just did what the Banks and big Boys wanted, basically letting them get away with murder, while we took fat salaries and basically did sweet f*ck all, now we've actually got to do something and earn our cash, I can tell yoiu there's been a few sleepless nights at FSA HQ."

When pressed on their new policy, Bulging stated "Our plan is similar to what we've been doing all along, we are scrapping staff selection and promotion based on talent and moving back to promoting people purely based on nepotism, so if they can get us tickets for a show or a nice restaurant then chances are they'll be promoted or moved to a job they want even if they are totally unsuited to it, likewise if they have a posh accent or we just like their tits and think they'd look good in a team we will move them and give them massive salary hikes."

The plan known as "C.A.S" or Clutching at Straws is believed to have already been rolled out in the Small Firms, Financial Crime and No Intelligence Team and Retail Policy sections, and could be fully implemented by May next year, just in time for the anachronistic regulator which typifies all the worst habits of a long-dead Civil Service, to be completely destroyed by a vengeful Conservative Government.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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