Police are hunting a kebab which escaped from a three-in-one shop in Kilburn last night.
The kebab in question is thought to have duped owners of the store by playing dead before making a dash for it during a busy period.
At a hastily arranged press conference at the AliKebaba's Kebab Shop, police munched on the remains of a properly deceased kebab before giving out a description.
"If spotted the kebab should not be approached as it is used to being on a spit and may be ever so tetchy," Detective Chief Inspector Rose Mary Ann Lamb explained. "Some locals may regard the kebab as a delicacy and find the kebab hard to resist.
"Kebabs have been known to hide in the inside pockets of revellers only to be discovered the following morning.
"They like places that are generally warm, smelling of alcohol and littered with fast food containers."
Late last night, hundreds of revellers were out searching for a kebab, a popular past-time in Kilburn and other salubrious parts of London, Manchester, Birmingham and Glasgow.