Written by Dingwall Johnson
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Saturday, 19 September 2009

New Labour have outlined their manifesto for the next election under their new party name, The Conservatives.

Gordon Brown's party came up with the plan to help them win the next election, last night in the House Of Common's lapdancing bar.

Brown, not there at the time, is in full approval of the plan aimed at beating the Conservatives at their own game.

The ploy was described as "not fair" by the Conservative leader with the first name nobody can remember but whose second name is most definitely Cameron.

Alan Miliband, widely seen as a successor to Gordon Brown, outlined the thinking behind the name change.

He said: "The Tories have been copying us for years now. After centuries of exploiting everyone but the super rich and themselves, they now tell us they actually like the NHS, want people to have jobs and generally plan to care for the working class. Such is the bare faced like that we thought, f*** it. If they want to pretend to be more Labour than Labour... well, you see where I am going with this."

Asked whether the move to rename the New Labour party, the Conservatives was not just a little transparent Miliband responded, "This is just the beginning. We plan to place the Conservatives on page five of the ballot papers in tiny writing on invisible ink when the election comes round."

Last night, a Mori poll predicted the confusion caused by the name change coupled with the invisible ink on ballot papers would reduce the real Conservative party's lead in the next election by just over four percent.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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