Written by Dingwall Johnson
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Topics: London, Housing, Thames

Friday, 18 September 2009

image for London Mayor Orders Thames Dredged For Real Estate

London mayor Boris Johnson has ordered the Thames river to be dredged to save money.

The news comes after London Underground omitted the river from their new Tube maps.

Originally, the mayor insisted new maps be printed up with the river included for all Londoners and tourists to see.

But after the cost of reprinting the maps was made clear, an alternative plan was drawn up.

While dredging the river will prove costly, the reclaimed land will be sold for prime real estate.

Johnson said: "Some parts of the reclaimed land are perfect with views of Docklands and Tower Bridge.

"The simple fact is that the financial cost of reprinting millions of Tube maps would have crippled the London Underground and been an immense waste of paper."

On the down side, the BBC will be forced to pay for new opening credits to their long running soap Eastenders, which features a graphic of the iconic London river.

And former London mayor Ken Livingston described Johnson's decision as a "tragic U-turn."

Speaking on a Sat-phone from his holiday residence in Libya, Ken said: "It's a tragic U-turn."

Johnson resorted by cheekily telling reporters, "U-turns are not allowed on the London Underground, even on the Circle Line."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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