Written by Clifford Rutley
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Topics: Gordon Brown

Friday, 18 September 2009

image for Votes For Face Sitting: Brown's New Election Winning Strategy.
Gordon Gets Ready To Hold His Breath.

As a last desperate attempt to win the next general election after he and New Labour have made a real mess of the country and its finances, Gordon Brown has pulled a last desperate trick out of his bag in order to keep his job. He will allow disgruntled voters to sit on his face if they promise to vote Labour.

'I think it's a brilliant idea,' David Cameron told us. 'After all, anyone with any real sense wouldn't want to take on the problems they've created. I'm brewing up a wet one right now especially for my five minutes with Gordon."

'Surely there isn't enough time between now and the next election for the millions of disgruntled voters in the UK to each have five minutes sitting on your face,' we asked Gordon at today's press conference at Number 10.

'Yes, yes I agree,' Gordon replied. 'That's why the face sitting will be shared between the entire cabinet. I'll take all the fit female personalities, Alistair will have all the bankers and we'll bring back John Prescott for all the egg throwers - only this time they wont be throwing rotten eggs, they'll be dropping them!'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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