The embattled, embittered Italian President, Silvio Berlusconi is to hang up his spurs.
No longer will the Presidential Palazzo in Rome reverberate to the sound of shagging, fellatio and sado-masochistic ritual.
No longer will knowing businessmen procure beautiful, young girls for Berlusconi's use and pleasure.
For the Pope has stepped in and invoking a legal practice not seen since the days of the Spanish Inquisition, has confiscated Berlusconi's genital appendage.
A somewhat chastened President Berlusconi has issued a statement:
"The President regrets that for some days he will be unable to fulfil his duties until the stitches come out. The President also regrets that from now on, he will be peeing sitting down.
President Berlusconi will enter the Vatican Choir as a soprano next season".