Written by IainB
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Topics: Weather, Thor

Wednesday, 30 September 2009

image for Why the Weather Reports are Always Wrong
Clear Skies, without any chance of lightning

It has finally come to light why the BBC Weather Predictions are always wrong, when on a purely probabilistic basis, they should be right forty percent of the time.

The previous explanation of Britain having a hard climate to forecast for has been overturned, and the real reason has been revealed.

In 1973 BBC Met Office Weatherman Rob McElwee was at school in Buckinghamshire. At the time, the craze was for multicoloured underwear, and Rob made the mistake of giving a certain Geoffrey Thorsson a wedgie to show the class how his underpants were grey. This event traumatised Geoffrey so much that to this day he is still in therapy.

What the young Rob didn't know, and couldn't know, was that the surname Thorsson in Geoffrey's case was accurate, he really is the son of the Norse thunder god, Thor. As well as being responsible for thunder, Thor is also responsible for all forms of weather, and Thursdays.

The bearded god of the hammer kept a close eye on McElwee as he grew and first joined the Met Office, and then the BBC Weather Team in 1991. For the first fifteen years of his career with the BBC, McElwee was doing local broadcasts for Buckinghamshire. During this period, Buckinghamshire saw it's worst weather in recorded history, including a snowstorm in May after McElwee had predicted temperatures of twenty-four degrees centigrade.

Despite his consistent inaccuracies, Rob was promoted to the national weather team, and since that day Britain has been buried in snow and flooded out on a monthly basis. Torrential rain and freak hail has battered the country.

After a few hours research, Thor was tracked down to a small bedsit in Luton.

"I'm never going to let McElwee get away with what he did to my son," Thor admitted, drinking heavily, "but even if he'd done nothing, his laconic style irritates the hell out of me, so I'd still make him wrong every time."

Thor was kind enough to agree to a warm sunny day for my wedding this coming December.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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