Written by Dingwall Johnson
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Topics: Drugs, heroin

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

image for Heroin addicts say 'yes' to free heroin in shock survey
More Drugs Please We're British

A pilot scheme which gave free heroin to heroin addicts discovered they were less likely to pay for heroin from street dealers.

Totally useless politicians have hailed the scheme a success after heroin addicts said that getting free heroin whenever they felt like it had them "bouncing, man".

Apparently, free heroin made them less likely to steal because they were too stoned to bother their skinny assed backsides.

When asked: "Did you steal anything during the time we gave you free heroin?" only one in four said yes and they were too stoned to be considered reliable witnesses.

When asked if they bought heroin during the time it was doled out free to them, they admitted they didn't need to.

Useless politicians say this proves they are taking drug addiction seriously.

Now, the UK government is considering giving free cars to car jackers, free betting slips to gambling addicts and free condoms to rapists.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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