Written by Frank Miller
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Topics: David Cameron

Sunday, 27 September 2009

image for David Cameron's Evil Twin: Expression of anger the natural way
David Cameron's evil twin at a childrens event minutes before getting upset at the bank

The Conservatives Nazi Evil Twin project continues as the Evil Twin for David Cameron was today the victim of bad customer service and he expressed his anger by urinating on the floor of his local bank and flinging feces at the staff.

"He was like a crazy man," said one customer, "he undid his belt, kicked off his pants and trousers then took aim. He ran around the bank drenching everything with piss."

Women, children, the elderly (including animals belonging to the elderly) all felt the force of his anger, no one was spared.

A witness said, "He just wanted to pay in a couple of cheques and was asking for help with the forms, he was sent away twice by the cashier and the line for service was getting bigger. Then one of the staff went on a break leaving just one cashier to serve about 20 people, most of them were slow moving and elderly, Mr Cameron was last. He'd been queuing for over an hour.

"When he asked the cashiers to hurry up because he was on his lunch break the cashier accused him of being potentially violent and told him to calm down. He responded that he was calm but in a hurry. The cashier then spoke to him in the most condescending way; he should wait in line like everyone else, even though he'd actually queued 3 times already, this is apparently when he lost his rag."

Another witness said, "It was horrible, people were slipping over on the wet floor as Cameron's urine and filth was being spread everywhere. He just kept flinging shit at the cashier's windows! There were terrified screams from innocent bystanders trying to escape his anger; absolute chaos!" The ordeal lasted for nearly 20 minutes before police arrived and dragged Cameron away; now completley smeared in his mess.

Mr Cameron's evil twin expressed his regret regarding the incident, "Next time I'll make sure I have a full bladder, I ran out too quickly and had to resort to throwing my shit earlier in the game than I would have liked."

Political correspondent Jip Kidney said, "This incident can only do good for Cameron's popularity. If only we had the bollocks to express dissatisfaction like this.

"When there's the threat of having shit thrown at you, you're going to ensure you provide good customer service."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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