David Cameron, Tory leader, today announced his plans to reduce the cost of the Commons. The main thrust of his proposals is to limit the number of MPs to 'about a dozen, certainly no more than fifteen'.
In a speech to party activists he explained, 'The fact of the matter is, we simply don't need so many. After I get voted in next year, I will rule the country virtually single handed, well, me and George Osbourne. Which will save an awful lot of that stuff - money - which I already have pots of anyway. As does George. And because there will be fewer MPS, we won't need the House of Commons, so we plan to sell it off, and spend the money on lottery tickets, and with the winnings from the lottery tickets we will buy some hospitals and tanks and stuff. You see it really is quite simple.'
Some female members of the audience swooned at this point and St Johns Ambulance staff were called.
Mr Cameron is on a whistle stop tour of posh places outlining his plans for the expected incoming Tory administration.
Tomorrow he is appearing at Harrow Lido, delivering a speech entitled 'The NHS - what's all the fuss about, eh?'.
He will be supported at Harrow by George Osbourne, who will be singing a duet with his uncle Ozzy.