Written by Frank Miller
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Tuesday, 8 September 2009

image for Provision of Personal Services - Darling
Pick Me! Pick Me! I'll do that thing you like!

Alistair Darling has announced a huge cut in departmental services today to save the government money but a leaked memo from the treasury indicates a new scheme which incorporates a particular type of new service to raise cash.

The scheme involves members of the public signing up to a website "www.MPFuck.gov.uk" and selecting the MP they wish to have sex with. A table of the most and least popular MPs will also be posted online under the Freedom of information act. Donation options will include PayPal and Credit / Debit cards. Revenue is also to be raised by selling advert space.

The website, not due to go live until 11th September, was being tested when news of the leak broke this afternoon. There were so many hits that it crashed the servers. The system is currently completely offline.

An insider told us, "We first noticed a problem when the website began to run like a dog with no legs with it's head nailed to the floor, as you'd expect with a dog in that condition it proeceeded to die quite horribly." The service should be back online by the end of September after the purchase of more powerful web servers.

Political correspondent Jip Kidney comments, "This is the Government trying to reconnect with people after a period of unrest and it should be well received by the voters. It's about time the public was allowed fuck them for a change, this MP fuckfest is long overdue."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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