Written by Rebut
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Topics: Police, Crime

Thursday, 22 July 2004

image for BBC's 'Police File' UK's Number 1 Killer
Have you seen this man...

The BBC is in grave danger of losing it's charter as a result of a broad based investigation into the media. The project was undertaken by British Intelligence whose remit was to pinpoint the causes of crime in general.

In a staggering report it found that the BBC was responsible for more injury and death than the entire criminal population housed in British prisons.

John Scarlett explained to a gobsmacked media that the program "Police File" could single handedly cure overpopulation.

'Police File' is a program in which the police forward details of criminals on the run, to the BBC. They in turn go out live on television and ask the public to assist in their capture.

He cited an everyday example. : "The newsreader will tell the public that Joseph Bloggs, 6ft 8in, 324 pounds, former wrestler, known to be carrying an AK47 and an RPG, is somewhere in the Croydon area. He has so far slaughtered, then eaten, a family of 8 and police are linking him with at least another 12 murders."

So far so good. Sounds like a normal Millwall fan on his way to an away game. Nice of the BBC to give us the heads up?

Well no, as Scarlett pointed out : "The presenter then tells the residence of Croydon to go on the lookout for Bloggs and asks members of the public who can locate him, to contact Inspector Dreyfuss of Croydon's finest."

Of course there are any number of morons who think that this is some kind of BBC Reality TV and promptly set out to look for Mr Bloggs. Of course we should be asking why Croydon's finest want US to look for Joe, surely....

The clincher as far as the report goes is the misleading final caveat issued by the BBC presenter.
"Police warn that Bloggs who is believed to have killed 20 people so far, MIGHT be dangerous".

Well that's alrighty then!! Mother Goose, Mother Goose, send your kiddiess out to play, Auntie Beeb says that the Cannibal in Croydon may have had it's fill and might be okay.......In other news the Croydon Police have relocated to Glasgow...officials cite fatigue among other factors.......

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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