Written by Frank Miller
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Topics: Housing, insurance

Saturday, 5 September 2009

image for When shit happens... Home Insurers say "No More!"
Eyeing up your home, Fido is hungry!

Insurance companies are taking decisive action against increasing claims against property damage which, they say, could easily be avoided by not buying 'at risk' properties in the first place.

In guidelines published today, the national governing body for UK Insurers has issued new legislation and has spent £2.5M on advertising to the public.

Consumer groups are advising prospective home buyers to be aware of these 'at risk' properties. "For new house buyers we've published some tips to help prevent tears in the future".

Don't buy the property if it's built...

  • in a ditch below sea level
  • at the bottom of a steep hill
  • on a known flood plain
  • out of straw
  • by a river with a history of bursting its banks
  • on the corner of busy road
  • on the edge of an eroding coastal cliff
  • out of dog food


If you don't follow these simple guidelines then it's your own fault when your house...

  • is flooded
  • is covered by mudslide
  • is flooded
  • gets blown away in strong wind
  • is flooded
  • suddenly has a car in the dining room
  • falls into the sea (and possibly flooded)
  • is eaten by dogs


Property insurers InsuroCock (catch phrase: 'When shit happens') stated, "Don't come crying to us if these things happen and certainly don't appear on local television news moaning about evil insurance companies! This is your fault; don't move there in the first place because when shit happens you won't get a fucking penny!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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