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Thursday, 22 July 2004

image for Gaddafi Acquires Manchester United
Tripoli Dustbowl And Halal Restaurant on matchday.

Libyan strongman, president for life, father of the nation, Sultan of all he surveys, WH Smith, Tripoli under-16 javelin bronze, potentate plenitentiary, Dominoes Pizzas, leader supreme, Muammar Gaddafi has bought a controlling interest in Manchester United.

The Colonel figured that as his daughter Aisha, a lawyer, and a proper belter mind, is busy with the Saddam Hussein defence, he might as well do something, why not break in a new team?

The fans of United were overjoyed. Mr Bertie Pendlehurst on being asked if he was happy to see the Colonel had bought the Red Devils, responded : "I'm devestated, I can't stand that fried chicken at the best of time."

Gaddafi denied that United would be moving from Old Trafford. "We will be staying at Old Trafford until at least Tuesday whereafter we'll be based in Tripoli. All leave is cancelled".

Sir Alex Ferguson was philosophical : "I think the board are a bunch of $#$# who need to have their &$#@#$ heads read. What kind of *&%&# moves a Premiership club to Tripoli?"

Groundsman Ted Haynes from Norwich expressed certain reservations. "Oi've decoided to go and live in Kent where they are building a reservation."

Ole Gunnar Solksjaer admitted to being troubled : "Ven ve vere doing vell it vas veddy noice, ven ve get dere id's going to be like going to de beach, pity it's so far from de sea".

A club spokesman said he disagreed with all the negative publicity : "I don't get it. It's not as if we've ever had a fan who lives in Manchester anyway. So instead of travelling to Manchester now they'll be popping off to Libya."

Manchester City fans were devestated. Joe Viner said : "That third glass of champagne was off, I must have a word with our local."

Fellow Premiership rivals Arsenal expressed 'deep regret at the development'. David Dein said that it was a pity for the United fans but re-iterated Arsenal's offer to help United pack and even to pay to have the club relocated.

When the dust settles, and the sandstorm has passed, United fans can look forward to playing their home fixtures in the 2000 capacity, Tripoli Dustbowl and Halal Restaurant.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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