Paramedics were today called to a flat in Neasden following reports that a man was experiencing severe problems and breathing difficulties whilst attempting to perform a sex act on a Lithuanian prostitute known only to neighbours as 'Magda'
Early reports indicate that the man got his entire head swallowed up by the voracious Lithuanian prostitute and was unable to extricate himself.
Some rumours circulating appear to suggest that the man, who was pronounced 'Dead On Arrival' at the Middlesex Hospital, was in fact a Conservative MP, although this has yet to be established.
Magda, the voracious Lithuanian prostitute was released from hospital after being treated for internal abrasions.
She told me:
"Him start, then he lose head. It disappeared up inside. I could not pull him out. He thrash about a bit before going still. I call ambulance."
"Sounds like he was really up to his neck in it," I observed.
"Oh jah," Magda told me.
"So are you okay?" I asked her.
"I would have been better if the bastard had taken the trouble to shave," was the response.
More as my sick brain makes it up!