Written by matwil
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Topics: Nazi

Wednesday, 2 September 2009

image for Ex-Nazi fined over Party names leak
Judge Bratwurst von Schnickelgruber

A former member of the German National Socialist Workers' Party - the NSDAP, the 'Nazis' - was today fined £22-43, after admitting publishing names and contact details of 100,000 Party members online.

Heinrich Simple, 37, was fined by a court in Nuremberg after admitting releasing details about a lot of sad, inadequate thugs that were members of the Nazi Party.

A NSDAP spokesman, Hermann Goring, said the low fine was 'a disgrace. Simple should have been tortured by the Gestapo and forced to admit having Asian relatives, then thrown into a slave labour camp and worked to death breaking rocks.'

The judge at the court, Herr Appo Logist, told Simple: 'What you did was unforgiveable. Although none of the Nazi members deserve the slightest protection from the law, the law does exist to protect them from any egg-throwing or catcalling that might happen, so they can get on with their legitimate business of spreading fear and intolerance and bigotry across the nation, plus beating a few innocent Asian men half to death at the weekends.'

And Gestapo officer Detective Kris Reinhard added: 'There was some pretty unintentionally funny stuff happening after the leak. The very people who join the Nazis so they can go around acting tough and attacking people and waving stupid flags about were complaining to us about getting their garages vandalised, and getting names written on their front doors! What a joke! How we laughed over our schnapps and bratwurst down at the station at those crybabies.'

But Reichsfuhrer and SS leader Heinrich Himmler was not amused by the court ruling. 'Let me just say this. The State and the Reich should never prosecute a National Socialist for any reason whatsoever, and Herr Logist's fine of £22-43 was disgraceful', he said, echoing Hermann Goring's comments.

'Even if Simple is - er - simple, it doesn't take away the sacred duty of our judges, our police and our newspapers to let off any dreg of society and sad loser and fine him a token sum, simply because he is a Nazi. Some of my best friends are Nazis. Apart from Adolf, of course. And Hermann. And that ridiculous English git with the Austrian name, Nick Gittmann.'

Meanwhile in Bremen, in the People's Court two Nazis were described by the judge as 'despicable characters, as you are both unemployed. But for the trivial charge of machine-gunning your neighbours to death for playing Mozart's 'The Magic Flute' on their gramophone, and playing it a bit loudly, I fine you £0-76.'

And in the High Court of Dresden, a female Party member was sentenced to two weeks' 'not screaming hysterically at Nazi rallies' for the crime of forgetting to buy Der Nazi Express last Friday, Der Express being the paper that's regularly filled with mentions of Nick Gittmann, plus, of course, the death of Klothzhorschta, Princess of Westwalesia.

Next week the courts fine a Nazi 12p, for denying that Hitler's Moustache ever happened.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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