The historic city of Gloucester has been saved from descending into a cesspit of vile sexual depravity. A planning application to turn a hotel into a "private member's sex club" complete with a "fetish room" for "adult enjoyment" has been turned down. It is thought that the Mayor's wife held the casting vote-she was holding his genitals in the other hand.
The private members club was to provide a venue for those with an alternative sexual lifestyle, such as gay men and women (formerly called lesbians), bisexual men and women (only alternative at weekends), transvestites, cross-dressers, cross-genders, variables and swingers.
However a local campaign has won the day. Susan Johnson, spokesperson, said "I'm not having someone swing their variable in my face! This town is for decent folk. I've nothing against gay people, except how they behave. If a gay man were to pretend to be a straight man then I would welcome him with open arms."
The people behind the club are moving on to Bristol, which is up for anything,