Written by Earl Grey
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Monday, 31 August 2009

image for Watts All This? Darkness Beckons
Alternative sources of light were needed, which was good news for this Jedi

The EU have declared that the 100 watt incandescent light bulb is to be phased out. From now on families will have to sit at home in the dark because a bunch of pen pushers in Brussels have got nothing better to do than ban a lightbulb.

Comedian Harry Hill spoke for the nation when he said "No. This is just plain crazy. I wouldn't even include such a suggestion in my act, and we all know I'm barmy."

As the nights draw in households across the nation are getting ready for darkness. Panic buying of candles and matches have led to some angry scenes at supermarkets in the midlands. Things were particularly nasty in Dudley, where one man was beaten to death with an aromatherapy candle. The air was thick with lavender.

At Westminster David Cameron spoke out against the plans. He was also relieved that the family chandeliers did not have 100 watt bulbs. "The British 100 watt bulb is an institution. We will fight to save it. Unless I'm speaking to the climate change lobby, when I support scrapping it."

Lord Mandelson moved swiftly to calm the nation. "It's just a suggestion. We might never do it. But personally, being at home in the dark appeals to me. I like to move about behind the scenes. If you can't see me, think of all the power I will have."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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