The newly released 'Wii Sex' console game has been heralded as "a major public health hazard" by the British Medical Association.
The controversial game features scenarios that require the repeated, furious oscillation of the handheld controller in a frantic attempt by the player to achieve orgasm on behalf of a game character. This applies to characters of both sexes in both penetrative and non penetrative acts. Points are scored for the most rapid and intense orgasms.
Dr Bent, the Chairman on the BMA condemned the new game as, "Deeply damaging."
"Not only does it teach people to callously manipulate their own, and others' genitals in a feverish attempt to achieve orgasm, it also causes Acute Wanker's Cramp."
Accident and Emergency Departments across the country have become increasingly busy with patients with severe WRSI (Wanker's Repetitive Strain Injury) type symptoms, almost all of which have used Wii Sex.
Dr Bent continued, "Some of them can't even yawn or wipe their own fucking arseholes. Wards are awash with wankers in agony discussing highest scores."
A spokesman for Nintendo, the game manufacturer dismissed the criticism. "This is nothing. When the 'Wii Fit' hardware is used, you can lie on the floor and actually fuck the character virtually in a uniquely, if rather messy, interactive experience!"
Sales of the Wii console, Wii Sex game, bandages and tissues are reported to have soared.