California police today disturbingly announced that Phillip Garrido, the abductor of Jaycee Lee Dugard, was in fact, way weirder than even they had initially suspected.
Police Chief, Erwin Rummel, of Neverland County, California, announced that the already gloomy investigation into kidnap, rape, molestation, unlawful imprisonment, and being a sick fucker, had taken an added twist.
"His wife was in it with him. We suspect," Rimmel told a press conference. "And there's some even weirder shit than that surfacing as the investigation gathers pace. My officers have been shocked and traumatised by what they discovered in the so called 'Secret Garden,' or 'The Lair' or 'The Backyard Prison,' as some have called it."
At this point, Chief Rummel had to catch hard on his breath in order to control his emotions.
He was approached by a doctor, who he waved away.
It's already been documented that the tent/shack encampment contained a number of books about cats, some snow cones, religious tracts, and some Barbie dolls, and some other crap.
But what Chief Rimmel announced next shook everybody assembled to the core.
"We also found," he faltered, his voice cracking, "A Replica Liverpool FC shirt, a collection of Michael Jackson CD's, and a Meerschaum pipe. A Meerschaum pipe, I say. The filthy fucker. The piece of shit. The filthy Sherlock Holmes impersonating paedophile Scouse supporting...fucking scumbag!"